So it seems I'm kinda bad at smoking. I tried, I really did, but I just don't get it. Every time I tried to take a drag the smoke got in my eyes and made them water. Also, I have no idea how to properly inhale so I just puff at it. When I did try to inhale it only served to make me cough. So picture me on my patio smoking, cat staring up at me confusedly, eyes watering, coughing and ashing on myself because I kept forgetting to flick the cigarette. I still have several left, but I just don't know that it's worth it. Still, I said I would try so I guess I have to give it a really good go to be fair to the experiment.
Another issue I have with smoking is that in order for it to help me lose weight it means that when I am hungry I should reach for a cigarette instead. This seems simple enough except I don't want a cigarette when I'm hungry. I want vegan mashed potatoes or organic PB and jelly on a brown rice cake. What the hell is smoking supposed to do for my hunger? It doesn't make sense. A cigarette takes a few minutes at most to smoke, but a huge bowl of stir-fried veggies and marinated tempeh will take me 30 minutes to properly enjoy, it's really just no contest. Food is going to win every damn time.
Also, much to my surprise, no one finds smoking appealing. Everyone I have told about trying to take up the habit has either emphatically tried to convince me to abort the project (usually while puffing away at their Marlboro or Camel) or else told me smoking is not sexy and very unappealing. Damn. What's a self-destructing girl to do? Oh wait, I know: whiskey and drunk texting work every time. I know it's stupid. I know I'm going to say things I shouldn't and be way more honest than is prudent, but I'm going to do it anyway. I ran four miles today and did 75 minutes of incredibly challenging yoga. Then, I sat in the hot tub at home for a while and drank. I am now exhausted, dehydrated, a bit lonely and ready to cause some trouble . . . most likely for myself.
We're not all composed, well-behaved creatures. Some of us are still chugging along trying to find our place even at 37. I don't know who I am going to turn out to be or how the road getting there will work out, but I do know that right now I'm going on gut instinct alone and that's going to have to be enough. Smoking, drinking, swearing, probably fighting will all have their part to play, but more than anything I have sheer force of will because I am nothing if not perpetually in motion. I might be going the wrong direction, but I'm always trying to get somewhere. Tonight I may only find the toilet bowl, but one day maybe my luck will change or maybe not. It won't stop me from moving, or rather stumbling, forward.
You must be doing it wrong and need some direction. I also started up recently as a way of finding the chillax button without doing anything illegal.... and the Jack was pushing my liver to the point of give me a freakin' break. Don't try so hard, don't suck so hard, just drag a little into your mouth, gently inhale... hold 3 - 5 seconds and exhale. If you are choking and ashing and making an ass out of your self in front of the cat, then you are sucking too hard. And please... learn from your 'boiling water in the nude' stunt and don't do this naked unless of course you are in the company of a fellow smoker that doesn't mind the choking, sucking, and ashing. I'll meet you at the bottom of the drain. :)
ReplyDeleteOr if u want to smoke something illegal, let me know.
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