Time to Take the Leap

Last year I conducted an online blogging experiment. I wrote every day for an entire year about whatever was on my mind or happening in my life. It was a sort of public journal intended to hold me accountable for the status of my life and the choices I've made. Unfortunately, what I discovered at the end of the experiment was quite different than what I intended to find out. In the end, my 365 day journey taught me that I am a self-indulgent and self-preserving bitch and sadly, I'm not all that willing to change. It was a rough year all around. I was dealing with marital problems, another move to a new city, and the deployment of my husband to Iraq. Every day was a balance of fear, dread, panic, and denial.

Whatever choices I made turned out to be the wrong ones and life today is somewhere between a giant step backward and a suicidal leap. I have decided that my intended pursuit of the righteous and happy path ended in misery so this time around I'm following the low road in the hopes that it will unintentionally raise me up where I want to be. It's the law of opposites or the George Costanza theory, whichever you prefer. So today makes the beginning of a new 365 days, a year of wrong choices, purposeful self-destruction, and a spectacular downward spiral. This is Ame: Self-Destructed and it is time to make that final, disastrous leap from the ledge and see if I can, in fact, learn to fly.